Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
