the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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