is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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