Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
