Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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