At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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