End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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