Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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