tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
