we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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