Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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