I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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