I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
