I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
