i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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