Four minutes until I can fart!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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