New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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