actually, I'm a sock model
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
