i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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