kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
