on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
