My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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