mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
