I just pynch a tree in the face
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
