I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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