i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
