This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
