At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
