hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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