I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
