Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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