god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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