before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
