i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
