you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
