I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
