I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
