drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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