fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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