You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
