the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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