If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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