I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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