I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
