I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
