laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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