Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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