Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
