question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
