mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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